sgpr_fan | To Belong chp 2 (Reply)

Title: To Belong chp 2

Rating: G

Character: Carolyn

Genre: general/family

Warnings: none

Disclaimer: I own nothing

On her first day, Carolyn got side-long glances, wary looks, and surprise on the faces of the SGC personnel. She did not understand; all she knew was apparently aliens were out there, Earth was in danger, and her father was in charge of it all.

She had not read many mission reports, and she only knew that the SGC was looking for a Chief Medical Officer as they had not had a permanent person in that position for almost two years. No one would tell her what happened to the previous CMO. On her second day ,after she had been introduced as the new CMO to the entire base, she thought that she definitely did not want to know about her predecessor, did not want to know the reason for the looks she was given. Yet, she was curious, like anyone would be about the looks, the glances that showed her nothing but pain and sorrow whenever someone realized who she was, who she has replaced.

It was not until her second week on the job that she got any answers. She was called for a medical emergency; a team had come home through the Stargate (which was something she hoped she would get used to--in time--maybe.) Through that disaster, she lost two of the five before the night was over. It was there she learned of the past–the reason why she got haunted glances, grief and guilt-filled looks from many of the men and women from the off-world teams. She was told by Doctor Warner of the woman many on base wished was here.

She was stunned and frightened by the tale, mainly because she was a Doctor. Yeah, she may be in the military, but she worked on a base, and the very thought that a doctor had gotten killed off world during an alien ambush--of all things--is enough to throw her mind. She realized, though, especially in her fifth week, that she was not a part of this group--this family ,that she is grouped with all the other newcomers, and that she must prove herself. She had come to know Cameron Mitchell, and was sometimes angered over how he seemed to have become a member of the family (she did not know that he had known about the program, had been in it for years). She wanted that; she could not have it as long as the people--her patients--wanted her to be someone else.

Janet Frasier, as she has come to learn, was a saint; a hero in the eyes of the SGC. She saved many lives, especially those of SG-1 (who she still has not met.) Carolyn was told by the General and Mitchell that it would be awhile. She did not question it; she had been told stories, and she had finally read over some previous mission reports. She wished she could have met her, the woman known as a Napoleon Power Monger-a moniker she had yet to find the origin of, and was curious as to why someone would let herself be called that.

She learned, through whispers of her staff and some of the older members on the base, what the Doc was like. About her daughter, who was apparently considered family to almost everyone? About the woman who wanted nothing more than to see every patient she had walk out of her infirmary. Carolyn knew more often than not, most of the patients did not even make it off the table. She has had the same experiences, and she had only worked here less than three months. She could not imagine a year, let alone the seven that this doctor lived through.

She grew tired of the glances and the whispers after awhile; she knew in her hearts of hearts it was not her. The SGC personnel had been through so much. They had not really had time to deal with the fact someone had to take Janet Frasier’s place. That, she thought, was the reason most did not seem to be able to be alone with her. She represented the fact Frasier was not coming back; it was time to move on, and they could not hold on to the picture so many wanted to and wished they could. She especially believed it to be true after meeting SG-1. It was the fact that they were wary, that grief, pain, and guilt were still evident in their eyes.

She was not Janet Frasier; she was not the woman who has saved all their lives too many times to count. She was not the friend, the mother, the family that her predecessor was considered. But she was a doctor--a damned fine one. She knew she could not be Frasier, or even reach that same level, but she would do her best to make a name for herself, to prove, if not to anyone else but herself, she belonged.