(no subject)

[sgpr_fan]

Title: Outsider
Rating: G
Character: Sam
Genre: Hurt/Comfort
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: I own nothing

She has been in Atlantis no less than three weeks. In that time she has had to deal with the IOA, her new promotion, the fact that she is in Atlantis, and Rodney McKay. She thought she could handle this new duty and its responsibilities and she can, she just wishes it was not so far from her family, her home. Samantha Carter is not stupid-she knows she cannot replace Elizabeth Weir, would never try to. She would give anything for Dr. Weir to be the one in her place right now. Not because Sam would love to be able to go home, or wishes she never got promoted (that was going to happen either way) or that she did not have to get use to being more a civilian and a scientist than soldier. That part, the part that is more scientist than soldier has not been in the forefront of who she is since before she lost part of herself, the more innocent part, to her experience with Jolinar. But because Elizabeth Weir belongs in this post, to this city in a way Sam herself never would.

She knows she is accepted as the new commander, and that that transition has been easier because most of the civilians know her, all of the scientist sure do. It’s easier to because Colonel Sheppard seems to accept her being here. She knows it’s easier because she is not here to take over his position, knows that Sheppard and even McKay despite what he says doesn’t  want to be in charge, because, if not for any other reason than it was her post.

She has no problem with Teyla Emmagan or Ronon Dex despite the latter’s behavior, but also knows that Ronon is like Cassie in that regard. For someone that has lost everyone he has cared for, lost his world, he will take any other loss a more than a thousand times harder and that this is worse because Weir is not dead and yet here Sam is taking over. With Teyla who has invited her for tea, almost every morning since she has arrived, the silent grief is in her eyes and she knows that grief will never be voiced, at least not to her. It will take time, for both of them.

Still even with this semblance of acceptance, she realizes she is not considered a part of the city like many here. Like Sheppard and his team and all those people from that first year, no, Atlantis is not home to her like it is to them, and never will be because there is nothing to tie her here, everything, and everybody she loves is back on Earth at the SGC. She will hope in time for some of the camaraderie she often felt back home with other SG teams and the scientists. But as she eats in the mess and watches Sheppard and his team-so like SG-1 before Jack left and a little like SG-1 now-McKay complaining and the others indulging him, Sheppard looking confronted while Teyla teases him over something and Ronon laughing at their antics; and behind all that, the immeasurable sadness of losing one of their group, another that made them who they are. Sam knows.

She is an outsider, and will be until the people of Atlantis know for a fact that Elizabeth Weir is dead, perhaps even after even that. As far as she is concerned until that happens, and she hopes it never will, all she is doing is keeping that chair warm. Warm for the person who will make Atlantis whole again, make the family that includes Sheppard, Rodney, Teyla and Ronon complete.